Today..

So, me and the husband have been talking and looking into marriage counseling. I'm hoping that this will help me to move on and accept what happened in the past and be able to work towards forgiving him. Right now I feel like this is an impossible task, mostly because I just don't wanna be that fool again. But if it works I will be ever so grateful. I want him to see what he did wrong and to be able to decide if he is really here for the right reasons or if he is here because he feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt me and the kids again. Then again, I'm not entirely sure that I am here for the right reasons. So hopefully the marriage counseling will work. I hope and I pray! Though at times like today, I just want to murder him!! I made the first step by looking up counselors and looking into cost and insurance and even sending an email to one to see if we could get accepted and all my husband was suppose to do was to call and make an appointment ((to show to me that he really wanted this and that I wasn't forcing him into it)) and what does he do today. Plays computer games on facebook and chats with his lazy good for nothing friend all day until he had to leave for work and THEN then he remembers what he was going to do and that I actually do exist?! I have spent all day playing and cleaning and cooking for our kids and he spends all day on a game and a chat!? Seriously?! I can not believe him. This is exactly why I never want my kids to play games.. there is a whole world out there and so much to do with your life, so many real people to talk to face to face and interact with. . . why in the world would I want my kids becoming so obsessed with a video game to the point they hardly step out our front door. It causes problems and that's all it does. We have a Wii but only use it for netflixs, that's it.. maybe once in like three or four months we actually play the one game we have but that's it.  I am so beyond mad today. I spend everyday by myself with the kids .. EVERYDAY.. no one but a three year old and a twenty month old to talk to.. all I ask is for him to notice me.. is that too much?! I would not be as bitchy if I had a bit more attention.